Getting Over Someone

Basic question here: how can I tell when I’m over someone and ready to be with someone else?

- C.G., Boston, MA

That is a basic question, but not a simple one. I’m not sure I can even answer it.

Sometimes hearing someone else’s experiences put things in perspective. Here is a situation concerning a person I dated, how I personally view it, and how I make it work for me. Maybe this example will help clear things up a little bit for you too.

In my life, I’ve seen a lot of relationships and been envious of very few. I see a lot of phoniness, relationships of convenience, and people together for all the wrong reasons.

But I knew that my relationship with her was something incredibly, incredibly special. I’d never felt anything like that; it was something totally different than all the rest I’d ever been in. It was comparing apples to oranges, as the saying goes.

In every way, I found her to be the most beautiful thing that I’d ever seen. We showed each other our best and our worst and remained together because we believed in each other as individuals and believed in us as a couple.

It’s interesting to think of all the things we are taught and all we are not. People are taught a million things growing up: how to read, how to use a stove without burning their hands, how to fold a towel, how to drive, and so on.

But we’re never taught some of the things that are imperative in relationships; we’re somehow expected to learn them as we go and by trial and error. I, like many others, never learned how to trust someone to give them all of my feelings, so I’d always held something back, which isn’t fair.

I also never learned how to forgive someone that I loved when they hurt me. And I certainly never learned what to do when you find someone who is perfect for you. It sounds like such a great thing, but it can be one of the most overwhelming feelings you ever experience because you want it to work out more than you want anything else in your life.

And sometimes, by the time you start to realize these things, it’s too late to make everything right.

Making her cry was the worst thing I’ve ever done and just thinking about it hurts me more than anything I’ve ever lost, never achieved, failed at, or I could really explain here.

And now she’s gone. We had talked about “forever” but this isn’t the kind of “forever” I thought we meant.

Who we were at the time we made our memories, we’ll always be – that man will always love that woman and that woman will always love him just as much. I still miss so many things about her, namely counting on – and believing in – us.

I still think about her every day and wonder, wonder, and wonder. I made her an enormous part of my life and now that she’s gone, that life as I knew it is too.

The pain is normal. But don’t think that because you feel pain you can’t move on. What happened between the two of you obviously affected you, so the hurting is expected. Truthfully, and unfortunately, it may be felt for a long, long time.

If you think about it, you probably still don’t feel great about the moment you found out you didn’t get that job you really wanted or a pet that died when you were a kid. You may never feel perfectly fine about this situation either.

What I realized, and what you must too, is that you have to move on. They have. They have their own life going, and whether it’s them being alone or them being with someone else – it’s still them being without you.

There is no other option; you can’t stay closed off and emotionally unavailable forever in hopes they will change their mind about you or that it will work out somehow. Knowing when to let go and move forward it is the hard part.

You don’t want to do it when you’re emotionally unavailable, angry at life, or will be anything but the best person you can be to whomever it is you end up with next. I don’t know if you’re there. Maybe you don’t even know if you’re there.

Love And Sexuality

Love may it be as sexuality that leadeth bodies to acts of carnality
strokes, touches that maketh the spirit take rise though they be merely of the flesh
all for committing the body and our souls to be inspired to take flight
going beyond the frame work of what we know to be our corpulent self

however may we question if love not
haveth strength sufficient to stand on its own axis
fore if adoration exclusively be a phenomenon of mind
caused by a being whose qualities we place above ourselves
then need there be contact of a physical nature
other then what passes the eye

Be it love by necessity sexuality?
Need there be this contact
which perhaps lends loam to our bodies
evading the essence of the sentiments
that of own strength suffice to gallantly declare love?
would not the force created by the sentiments of the mind find themselves
susceptible by the more lethargic crude matter that allow us not to transcend
to luminous beings of grace
Is it be our nature be too base
for higher emotions of the spirit to dwell in us
thus it be via contact which arriveth in the form
of comic acts that serve no further purpose
then delight of the moment.

For if love be truly of a higher tonality then all other known to us
capable of ennoblement of our spirits
then can our corporal secretions purely degrade this
which our minds have conceived
with intent of elevation the basic soft tissue that
composeth our earthly souls?

if ever there be queries that haveth not counters
fore their rhetoric not grant their blessing this be one
for whose acumen be up to decide for others?
Fore constantly be the ways of adoring that shalt seekth
same vocation as yee whose adoration beth thy guide
to rapture of the sanity
yet be it that some might intend to don
it is not the wisdom of the erudite
that be apt to resolution of what love might behold

Breast Cancer – Causes, Symptoms And Treatment

Breast cancer is a malignant (cancerous) growth that begins in the tissues of the breast. Over the course of a lifetime, one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. Breast cancer is a cancer of the breast tissue, which can occur in both women and men. Breast cancer may be one of the oldest known forms of cancer tumors in humans.Worldwide, breast cancer is the fifth most common cause of cancer death (after lung cancer, stomach cancer, liver cancer, and colon cancer). Breast cancer kills more women in the United States than any cancer except lung cancer. Today, breast cancer, like other forms of cancer, is considered to be a result of damage to DNA. How this mechanism may occur comes from several known or hypothesized factors (such as exposure to ionizing radiation, or viral mutagenesis). Some factors lead to an increased rate of mutation (exposure to estrogens) and decreased repair (the BRCA1, BRCA2 and p53) genes. Alcohol generally appears to increase the risk of breast cancer.

Breast cancer can also occur in men, although it rarely does. Experts predict 178,000 women and 2,000 men will develop breast cancer in the United States. There are several different types of breast cancer. First is Ductal carcinoma begins in the cells lining the ducts that bring milk to the nipple and accounts for more than 75% of breast cancers. Second is Lobular carcinoma begins in the milk-secreting glands of the breast but is otherwise fairly similar in its behavior to ductal carcinoma. Other varieties of breast cancer can arise from the skin, fat, connective tissues, and other cells present in the breast. Some women have what is known as HER2-positive breast cancer. HER2, short for human epidermal growth factor receptor-2, is a gene that helps control cell growth, division, and repair. When cells have too many copies of this gene, cell growth speeds up.

Causes of Breast Cancer

Simply being a woman is the main risk for breast cancer. While men can also get the disease, it is about 100 times more common in women than in men. The chance of getting breast cancer goes up as a woman gets older. Nearly 8 out of 10 breast cancers are found in women age 50 or older. About 5% to 10% of breast cancers are linked to changes (mutations) in certain genes. The most common gene changes are those of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes. Breast cancer risk is higher among women whose close blood relatives have this disease. The relatives can be from either the mother’s or father’s side of the family. Woman with cancer in one breast has a greater chance of getting a new cancer in the other breast or in another part of the same breast. This is different from the first cancer coming back Many experts now believe that the main reason for this is because they have faster growing tumors. Asian, Hispanic, and American Indian women have a lower risk of getting breast cancer. Certain types of abnormal biopsy results can be linked to a slightly higher risk of breast cancer.Women who have had radiation treatment to the chest area (as treatment for another cancer) earlier in life have a greatly increased risk of breast cancer

Some pregnant women were given the drug DES (diethylstilbestrol) because it was thought to lower their chances of losing the baby. Recent studies have shown that these women (and their daughters who were exposed to DES while in the uterus), have a slightly increased risk of getting breast cancer. Use of alcohol is clearly linked to a slightly increased risk of getting breast cancer. Women who have 1 drink a day have a very small increased risk. Those who have 2 to 5 drinks daily have about 1 times the risk of women who drink no alcohol. The American Cancer Society suggests limiting the amount you drink.Being overweight is linked to a higher risk of breast cancer, especially for women after change of life and if the weight gain took place during adulthood. Also, the risk seems to be higher if the extra fat is in the waist area. Breast-feeding and pregnancy: Some studies have shown that breast-feeding slightly lowers breast cancer risk, especially if the breast-feeding lasts 1 to 2 years. This could be because breast-feeding lowers a woman’s total number of menstrual periods, as does pregnancy. Women who began having periods early (before 12 years of age) or who went through the change of life (menopause) after the age of 55 have a slightly increased risk of breast cancer.

Symptoms of Breast Cancer

1.Lumps.

2.Rash.

3.Breast Pain.

4.Cysts.

5.Nipple Discharge.

6.Inverted Nipple.

Treatment of Breast Cancer

1.Hormonal therapy (with tamoxifen).

2.Chemotherapy.

3.Radiotherapy.

4.Surgery.